Planned Parenthood is using vampires as a marketing tool to sell sex as whimsical, trendy, and safe.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Vampires. According to Josh Marshall, editor and publisher of Talking Points Memo, in an email released today from Planned Parenthood’s national office, Planned Parenthood quips in the email’s title, “Thinking about having sex with a vampire this Halloween?  Planned Parenthood is here to help.”

The email begins:

Let’s face it: vampires can rack up a lot of sexual partners over the years.  Your vampire might be the same age as you, or she or he might be thousands of years old.  But no matter how old you are, if you’re going to jump into bed with a vampire, you’re going to need more than a clove of garlic to protect your health.

From the bizarre encouragement of sex between partners of a wide age span to the endorsement of sex for people of all ages (seemingly including minors!), Planned Parenthood is taking their promotion of casual sex to a whole new level.

Sex, STDs, and pregnancy are not issues to take lightly – especially for adolescents and teens.  Planned Parenthood targets this email specifically at the younger generation, tying in Edward and Bella from the popular teen Twilight series later on in their Halloween email:  “Let’s not forget, Edward got Bella pregnant in the Twilight series, going against hundreds of years of vampire lore.”  Planned Parenthood will stop at nothing in their effort to change attitudes about sex and increase their client base.

Presented with the question of “if your vampire tells you he can’t get you pregnant,” Planned Parenthood suggests, “Condoms are not only a great way to prevent STDs, they’re effective at preventing pregnancy.  Even better, use a condom along with another birth control method.”  Planned Parenthood, what about abstinence?!  Not only is it a “great way to prevent STDs,” but abstinence is 100% effective at preventing pregnancy.

Years ago, it used to be that parents worried about gory costumes, egged windows, and unwrapped candy on Halloween.  This year, Planned Parenthood has given parents an entirely new reason for concern.